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proportional

by Polo Itona

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1.
R U serious? 02:15
would you still kiss me if my breath smelled like spicy cheetos? would you still hug me if i haven't showered in three days - would you still love me the same? you'd be crazy if you did. you'd be crazy if you did any of those things because that's gross. would you still hold my hand if you knew i just picked my nose? would you curl your head into my chest even after we break up? you'd be crazy if you did. you'd be crazy if you did any of those things because that's gross.
2.
my beloved, how sweet the sound you are to me. why beloved can't you sleep? did you drink too much coffee? i have started many things i can't finish. i have started packing my things into my pockets. so when the time comes, where will you be? when the time comes, will we know it was the right time? honestly, you are nothing to me, but i don't think i'm ready to leave. "honestly, you were everything to me-but i don't think i'm ready to leave." so when the time comes, where will you be? when the time comes, will we know it was the right time?
3.
you are an abstract made of concrete, but it hurts to know that we'll never meet like we did once before - when i would run out your door and skate to your house-but i hate when he's around. and i am pulling teeth from my gums to get the words out of my mouth. and i am breaking through the foundation to get the heck out of this house. your head is glued to his shoulder like your face is glued in my head like every conversation and every promise you swore you'd keep. and i am pulling teeth from my gums to get the words out of my mouth. and i am breaking through the foundation to get the heck out of this house. and i am using pliers to pull the teeth from my gums cause i can't find the words to say. and i am breaking through the cracks of the foundation that you laid to get out of this dang place. you said i care too much, but you don't care at all.
4.
i wanna wake up next to you in the trunk of a car zip-tied and blindfolded together. kidnapped and held for ransom - a couple thousand dollars. at least someone thinks we're worth something at all. when you said our fate was nothing i didn't wanna believe you. but then we faded into nothing and i saw the truth. you were everything to me, every little cliché i never wanted to be. but then, you moved away, got a job serving bagels, and i'm thinking of surrounding myself with green. hey girl, where are you from? where are you from? cause i can't afford the money it takes to see you, and you can't afford the time.when you said our fate was nothing i didn't wanna believe you. but then we faded into nothing and i saw the truth. you were everything to me, every little cliché i never wanted to be. just know i'll never listen to pup the same way again - just know when another one comes i won't let them in.
5.
just because i didn't lose doesn't mean that i won. just because i say i'm happy doesn't mean i can't get sad. i've been trying to figure out all the details. i don't think i can do this by myself. just because i think i know what i want for the moment doesn't mean that i'll feel the same tomorrow. is it so bad to feel comfortable? is it so bad to want? i've been trying to figure out all the details. i don't think i can do this by myself.
6.
so if my sister goes to bed before 2am we could sneak out to the stairs again and you could tell me about your dad and i could tell you about my band and we could never fall asleep again. and maybe we'll see the difference two years makes, and maybe we'll see the difference between you and me. and i wish there was more to say, more to do, more to think - more to me. but do i really need to impress you? do i really have to get down on my knees for someone who won't do the same for me? and now i see the difference two years makes. and now i see the difference between you and me. but there is so much more, there is so little that i know
7.
head lights, fresh snow. pale skin, we both know that i have to be home soon. "please don't; don't go." "i'll be here tomorrow." and i won't know what it's like to hold you close. no i won't know what it's like to let you in. three years, a sense of fear. what am i doing here? shaking knees, dentistry. "mmm, what's in this tea?" but i won't know what it's like to hold you close. no, i won't know what it's like to let you in.
8.
the only thing good about waking up at 4pm is you never have to turn on the lights. the sun is already up, but i think it's starting to set through my window. i stare at the emptiness in my room and i wonder if it's everything i've ever wanted or everything i've tried to avoid. but it's summer and i shouldn't feel this way. this feeling's reserved for winter and all those long late nights - i've had my share of long late nights. but the downside to waking up at 4 pm is you lose all motivation; no drive, no determination - just cliché, please spare me. don't spare me.
9.
untuck your shirt, untie your shoes. it's time to get comfortable for a while. did you get your cup of tea? or would you prefer coffee? it's late at night and i'm scared. the bell's about to ring and i'm in my corner - but i don't think i'm ready for the fight. endless drive home, sleepy undertone. is it too late to turn back? try to explain the inexplicable - try to remain the same. the bell's about to ring and i'm in my corner - but i don't think i'm ready for the fight. pinch me hard, hurt me again. don't tell me it didn't have to happen. we will resolve this the best way we know how - by hugging it out. tuck in under sheets, turn off the tv. it's time to get comfortable for a while.

credits

released June 14, 2016

All music written by Polo Itona
All lyrics written by Polo Itona
background noise in "present-day americana" courtesy of rainycafe.com

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